How to Love Narcissism

Yeah, someone has claimed that about me in the past. And I’m glad they did, or else I wouldn’t have walked through the process of wondering why they found that in me, when I didn’t see it. I found it in me and I want you to be able to find it in you too. Because only those who cannot find and manage the little narcissist in themselves are the ones who will have it grow into narcissistically abusive behaviors, later.

Narcissism isn’t emotional blackmail, control, or belittling your partners needs - those are just symptoms of narcissism. At its core, narcissism is the inability to integrate negative information about yourself. It's a self-reflection problem. It's a taking responsibility problem. And it grows in someone because of a lack of empathy for their relational impact on others.

It takes "I don't care about what other people think about me" to a pathological level. It thrives on arrogance and a lack of self-honesty. But it’s also just a defense strategy for the psyche, which we all have the capacity for, which is anti empathy and anti humility. If you have empathy then you have the ability to grow or regress your empathy, which means you have the capacity for narcissism. When we let this defense strategy take over more and more of our modes of socialization, we become more and more narcissistic. At the core is an underdeveloped ego. A part of us that was so shamed it became dark - shadowed - which means walled off from our conscious awareness. It’s a part of ourselves that was traumatically humiliated and thus tries to avoid humility as a survival strategy.

Can you find that part in you too?

The part that wants to not care about or deal with the true impact of how we've negatively affect others? The part that doesn't want own anything negative about ourselves? There's your narcissistic part. A part of us whose only cure is awareness, understanding, atonement, acceptance, and profound love. But, how do we find a love like that? Message me to learn more than I can offer in this blog post, but for now consider the power of understanding.

Understanding is how love scales so it can touch all things with its healing light. To remain ignorant to your narcissistic part is to deny understanding, which means to deny love’s opportunity at a cure. If someone is afraid of calling out their own specific parts which are causing harm, they perpetuate that harm. Hurt people hurt people, right? To deny understanding is to remain ignorant and ignorance is the antithesis of love. To deny understanding is to avoid the pain of the truth, and this kind of pain is the very vehicle that's been evolving you since you were a baby.

Pain is supposed to stimulate a response from you and we have to learn to respond with a love powerful enough to receive the pain so that it changes rather than destroys us, but if we avoid the pain by avoiding responsibility, no change occurs and the outcome is we become less sensitive, less caring, and more narcissistic. Only capital-L Love is strong enough to embrace the negative feedback and make it okay for your psyche to handle. Only that love is powerful enough hold us through confronting our humiliation and shame and turn it into the power of humility.

Think of love as a technology.

An ego rehabilitating, and ego developing force. How do we find this Love? The technology of transcendence - which gets us touch with the capital-T Truth and capital-L Love beyond what the ego mind can muster alone. Transcendent, transpersonal Love is where to find the medicine to treat the darkened aspects of ego, and you have to seek and find it to become wholly spiritually integrated.

How do you cure the wound of shame? Profound superhuman self-love. It’s the thing missing from traditional Samkya and Patangalian Yoga. Those are non-holistic philosophies which left out ego development altogether and have built many a corrupt yogi and guru. Relationship Yoga is a non-dual Bhakti Yoga which uses Love as a specific rehabilitative integrative technology to addresses the ego. It’s the only process I know of which will allow a self to become integrated to the point where it can be transcended, holistically.

Why is narcissism so rampant today?

Because people don’t take ego development seriously enough. They don’t care to understand why the ego exists and how to work with it. When you leave it unchecked, it starts taking over more and more constructs until it becomes dangerous, narcissistically abusive - all as a signal to try to get you to do the work of growing up and cleaning up, if only you would call yourself out.

Growing up and cleaning up is different from waking up. And as long as spirituality is still stuck on its obsession with a waking-up-only format then it’s doomed to create more, spiritually narcissistic people, corrupt gurus, high control groups, spiritual bypassers, delulu light chasers, and and the like. Don't become one of them. Don't bypass. Get to know your own ego.

We are in a culture now where people are good at calling others out, but seems incapable of calling ourselves out, which is a culture controlled by an underdeveloped ego. The more we develop it healthfully in ourselves, the more we can live as an example for others and expand our empathy at the same time. Empathy is the actual feeling for ourselves what other's are feeling. Its an embodied response, which is different from having sympathy, which is more of a cognitive response. To have true empathy, we have to learn how to love the pain of experience too.

I have a new program launching in about a month.

Email me for details…